No, these aren’t quotes from the 1960’s Batman TV show. These are noises that the human body makes when being struck by a frozen armadillo. “But why would anybody want to hit someone with a frozen armadillo?” I hear you ask. Well, how about over an issue of money…
This is exactly what happened in Dallas, Texas late this past September. An argument between a man and a 57-year old woman led to violence when the two couldn’t come to terms on how much the man’s frozen armadillo was worth (apparently in the state of Texas it’s illegal to sell these animals live so the only way to sell them is in a frozen state). As things got heated, the man threw the frosty critter at her, hitting her once on the leg and once on the chest. The man then did a runner and is now wanted by the police. The woman, now bruised, was planning to eat the armadillo.
Oh dear. I don’t know to start with this story. First, what kind of a man strikes a woman? With an frozen armadillo no less. If you’re trying to peddle your wares to a fellow member of the public and can’t come to terms on a price, just walk away. I’m sure the other citizens of Dallas have quite the taste for armadillo. I mean yeah, some people might be partial to a steak dinner or some other hearty meal but when push comes to shove I’m sure they’d choose the “hedgehog-on-a-half-shell” hands down. There were probably ample amounts of would-be buyers in Dallas that night (I am of course being facetious so no hate comments from Texas please).
And secondly, in this day and age why is somebody wanting to purchase and consume an armadillo? Apparently eating an armadillo that has not been prepared and cooked properly could lead to the consumer contracting leprosy. This is a legit fact. I could make a lame joke about this by saying that the woman would have given her right arm for the armadillo but corny humour like that is way beneath me.